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November 13 Call me a hopeless romantic...Call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but I like a woman to be a girley kinda girl. Although I like to see tattoo's and other forms of body art on women, I have to admit that I'm turned off by some of the art I have seen on some I would refere to as "otherwise beautiful" women. Imagine the afore mentioned woman with all the attributes that men take notice of, such as long legs. Ok, now imagine those same long legs only one has a small ring of roses around the ankle, mmmm just the thought can get my lil' soldier to snap to attention.
Anyway, for those women who don't know the difference between Attractive and/or Butt Ugly where body art is concerned, I thought I'd share some of the type's of body art that I would take exception to... (be forwarned however that some of you might find it unwise to be too picky, after all beggars can't be choosers)
#1. Prison Art: Nothing is more gut wrenching than nuzzlin up to a woman, kissing her softly on the nape of her neck and finding one of those poorly improvised jailhouse tat's proclaiming "Property of Birtha" just below the hair-line...
#2. Dead Things: Anything that hints or in anyway referes to something that is Long Gone, Lost Forever or may have Died From Lack Of Affection on or in the vicinity of the genitals etc. are a definate no-no and if you need to be told that I would even suggest seeking professional help...
#3. Daggers, Skulls or Otherwise Ferocious Animals etc. on the biceps: You might think that if it's cool on a guy it should be cool on the upper part on your dainty little carrot waxer as well, unfortunately this seemingly simple oversight can mean the difference between The Mighty Oak and The Weeping Willow where your prospective lovers wedding tackle is concerned...
#4. Slogins, Phrases or Jingles: Nothing is worse that leaving a trail of kisses from the shoulders to the breast of your intended conquest only to find a statement claiming "Over One Billion Served" or "Billybob Was Here" etc...
#5. Where as some forms of piercing may look attractive or even become sexually enhancing on or to your face, lips, eyebrows or tongue etc.: you can rest assured that the same does not apply with tattoo's. Now I'm just guessing here, but I'll just betcha dollars to donuts that bringing a woman home to meet mother with an X tattoo'd between her eyes won't be the kind of conversation starter that you'd hoped...
That should help some of you in your quest to find your one true love, if not I'm afraid you may need more help than even I can provide, lol...
IMspidey/M.M. 11/08
Copyright © 2008 Please respect copyright Singing The Blue's...Anyone who knows me knows that I am not only a poet and humorist, but I write songs as well. Although I haven't done one in a while and I just might be a little rusty. With me it's feast or famine so to speak, however I woke up this morning with this little bluesy number in my head and thought I'd share it with you, so here it is:
~ Nobody Loves Me ~
Nobody loves me but my mother
And she wasn't really that big a fan
Nobody loves me but my mother
She showed me how much with her frying pan
Nobody loves me but my mother
I'm her flat faced little frying pan man
Nobody does me like my woman
Nobody else can fill my needs
Nobody does me like my woman
Nobody else see's what she see's
Nobody does me like my woman
To prove it she gave me an STD
Now I'm living out on the street
I'm a frying pan faced little std man
(Repeat)
Written by IMspidey/M.M. 11/08
Copyright © 2008 Please respect copyright November 11 Betrayal or Saving Face...So, I never seem to get much sleep anymore due to my back problems. Yeah, I know what yer thinkin, a professional slacker with trouble sleepin, oh boo hoo... So ok, first off : Up Yours Pal. Anyway, in my half awake form of paying attention I happened to overhear some program on the tube about parents in some other countries who have taken it apon themselves to actually kill their own darn siblings and children for what they concider a betrayal of their family or supposed spiritual values... Immedietly 2 things come to mind: #1. Some of these people think that I and my ilk are infidels. Big Whup, I've been called worse. It just seems to me that someone preaching piety and claiming to be so holy who then commits murder against his own family should take a look at his own reflection (even if he has to do it in the bumper of a carbomb) before looking my way and would (myself) have to rethink my priorities if my faith led me to believe that a messenger of God (Not God or even A God mind you) would say anything that would make me act in such a fasion much less adhere to it. Call me an idiot, but I was in middle management for more than a decade and had quickly lost count of just how many times a messanger of mine claimed to understand something I'd told them I needed done only to find that he/she had indeed totally misunderstood and passed on his own idea of what they percieved was what I expected from them, not to mention their underlings. Don't even get me started about following the orders of someone (no matter how revered) who's preachings have been passed down from generation to generation by word of mouth etc. without at least concidering the fact that the thoughts themselves might have been misconstrued at least once or twice over the years and the true meaning of the message had been obliterated by someone who may or may not have had sand in their ears... #2. Most importantly to me is the fact that if my own family had thought this way I'd have never reached the age of nine fer kripe sake. I won't even tell you the kind of crap I pulled on a daily basis that sooner or later came back to huant my family. Fortunately for me, not many are around to spread the word so to speak and those who are still here are kept far from the gun cabinet and most of the sharp objects within easy reach (et tu brute) and as for the things I believe in strongly enough to pass down to my children. The most important thing I have handed down is this: Friends may come and go, but blood is blood and right or wrong we pull together come what may... While still on that last subject, let me say this: If indeed a blood relative feels differently, just say the word and I'll be the first to chip in and buy ya a ticket to go play in the world's biggest sandbox along with people who may be more to you're liking... Thats right, I said it and I meant every (infidelic) word!!! IMspidey/M.M. 11/08 Copyright © 2008 Please respect copyright November 10 Goin Ta Hell In A Handbasket...So, it's not bad enough that the economy is in the dumper, unemployment is the worst it's been since the 1990's ect. etc. etc...
But now some son-of-a-bisquit has gone and invented chocolate covered bacon. What is this nob-jobber thinking, everybody knows that chocolate is for sex play, bribing children for information in war torn countries, saying I'm sorry and when the wife is ridin the cotton pony. And bacon is for, well it's bacon fer kripe sake...
Let me tell ya something Hershey breath, you come round my neck-o-the-woods talkin chocolate covered bacon and yer liable to be sent home with a huntin boot tucked nicely up yer keister. It's bad enough we got that crazy southern lady (who's name escapes me at the moment) runnin around frying every dang thing she can get her chubby little oven mitts on. Oh no, now we gotta have candy coated heart attachs...
Whats next: Tutti fruiti viagra ? Slurppie flavored enema's ? Holy bat-farts Batman where does it all end ???
IMspidey/M.M. 11/08
Copyright © 2008 Please respect copyright ~ Truely Blessed ~
Just a little slice of what I've been doing since leaving msn. You can see more by clicking on the myspace page link located in the lists on the right side of profile page... November 09 Yeah, I'm Back So What...Yeah, been a while since I've done the humor thing. Got kicked off a here a few times for behaving badly. Not much has changed in that respect but I'm gonna try to tone it down a bit, lol. But I wouldn't bet the farm on that if'n I was you.
So much has happened since my last stint with msn so let's just dive right in and get started...
#1. Well, both my freakin kids finally moved out and have each given me one granddaughter. I have photos but I'm savin em for future parenting blogs. (by that I mean as proof that children don't know half the crap they think they know)
#2. As for me, I had a 4th spinal fusion that is also not going as well as was projected (by that I mean that all those fancy-shmancy words that doctors use to explain how their gonna get under yer hood and kick around a bit don't mean crap either) I'm here as living proof and not afraid to tell ya they don't know what the heck their talking about, much less what their doing, other than laughing at your genitals while your napping. But I had them fooled, much better people than them have been laughing at my genitals for so long that I've learned to sleep with both middle fingers extended.
#3. My best huntin dog died shortly before christmas 2006 and I don't mind tellin ya that I miss him something awful. Being as the Beagle (Harley) remains mentally challenged (by that I mean retarded) and the new pooch, a black lab named Dodger is afraid of water (by that I mean about as worthless as breasts on a nun)
#4. Let's see, what else. Oh yeah my mother in-law still refuses to kick the bucket no matter how many times I have offered to help. But she's growin on me (by that I mean like some weird kind of fungus)...
#5. My wife Babs finally discovered the freeway and has actually found her way home a few times since we last chatted, God bless her. Heck yesterday she put a new drive belt on the vaccuum cleaner (by that I mean she'll be gettin some brand spankin new craftsman tools for x-mas)
#6. Yeah, I finally broke down and got myself a myspace page, it's pretty much the only way to find out what the hecks goin on family wise (by that I mean that I now have proof that they are all in cahoots against me) What's up with myspace by the way, I started out my profile by stating that I'm happily married so don't send any invites to alternate sites to see yer nudey pictures, but boy howdy I deny at least 5 or 6 per day (by that I mean that the vast majority of these girls are uckin fugly)
All this goes to show that the more things change, the more they Blah-Blah-Blah etc. etc. (by that I mean thank God for perscription medications)
IMspidey/M.M. 11/08
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